The answer is: with little difficulty.
You see in true Doctor Who tradition the formidable fighting force have one major weakness, their probic vent.
This is what a Sontaran used to look like:
The old Sontarans, hairy baked potatoes.
And this is what they look like now:
The new Sontarans, highly polished baked potatoes.
Before you say it, you’d look angry too if you were five foot tall with a face like a baked potato – but hey they’d probably think you look like a pink weasel, right? Anyway let’s take a close up look at that probic vent:
That Probic Vent up close.
This probic vent is a small nozzle at the base of the neck and it’s very, very delicate. You get anything in the vent or the vent get’s hit and your average Sontaran either dies or at the very least passes out.
It’s a fairly common occurrence. Over the years they’ve had their probic vents interfered with more often than you’d imagine.
They were killed by Leela in The Invasion Of Time by a knife to the probic vent.
They were offed by a well shot arrow – fired by Boba Fett no less! – in The Time Warrior (although old Boba Fett looked a lot cooler with his helmet on):
Boba Fett: archer supreme!
In The Sontaran Stratagem they got a squash ball to the probic vent, that did them no favours. In The Sarah Jane Adventures episode The Last Sontaran a high heeled shoe to the vent, saw them knocked out.
Most recently we’ve seen the tenth Doctor – in his interminable montage that concluded the End Of Time: Part Two – save Mickey and Martha by twatting a Sontaran’s probic vent with a rubber mallet.
Though if we were the Doctor, after hearing this dire exchange:
Mickey: This is no place for a married woman.
Martha: Well then, you shouldn’t have married me!
We would have let the Sontaran take them out. But hey we’re like that.
The probic vent exists – according to what we can work out – to allow the Sontarans to directly feed off energy rather than having to eat, instead of chomping on a carrot the Sontarans get raw plasma fed directly into the vent to nourish them.
Must make packed lunches a bit on the curious side.
There was also some kind of bullshit about it being part of the cloning process although we can’t remember where we heard that. Thinking about it though, this is Doctor Who, we don’t expect any form of definitive description or cohesive purpose for things do we?
Don’t be so cynical! Of course we do! The probic vent’s purpose is absolutely clear, it’s a plot device! Can’t beat a bit of deus ex machina can you?
In true Doctor Who fashion there has to exist an easy way to kill, maim or disable any formidable, indestructible foe. In this case it’s a small hole that’s susceptible to the slightest tap. Genius.
We do have one suggestion for any future Sontaran invaders. Before you start the invasion, wherever you happen to be – most likely Cardiff – get yourself down to a supermarket and buy a six pack of Müller Light yoghurts.
Throw away the yoghurt – it’s not plasma is it! – wash the tub out and tape it over you probic vent. You’ll be unstoppable then.
Just a thought.
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