Over the past few hours we’ve been pondering about the reasons behind our lack of enthusiasm – to put it mildly – over Russell T Davies re-imagining of The Doctor and his adversaries.
The single biggest issue wasn’t with the design of the villains, which on the whole was decent. Nor was it with the sets, which although unimaginative were at least a lot more solid than the classic show’s.
No, it was neither of these things that ruined Russell T Davies vision of Who, it was the writing.
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, Russell T Davies can do drama but he can’t do sci-fi and he certainly can’t write believable dialogue. Do you want some proof? Ok, read this:
Dalek: You propose an alliance?
Cybermen: This is correct.
Dalek: Request denied.
Still with us? You’ve got to agree that’s an appalling interchange that is neither grammatically correct – a proposal is not a request – nor neccesary! If the Daleks are going to tear the Cybermen a new arsehole, you’d imagine they wouldn’t feel the need to announce it.
It gets worse though, feast your eyes on the response to the denied request, the Cybermen go on a deleting spree:
Cybermen: Hostile elements will be deleted.
Dalek: Exterminate!
Yawn. A couple of Cybermen get offed by a Dalek.
Cybermen: Open visual link. Daleks be warned you have declared war upon the Cybermen.
That’s a fair line. The Cybermen are rational, thinking creatures, offering the Daleks a way out of any conflict with a fairly assertive statement. However given their response, the Daleks seem to think they’re The Rock and they’re at WrestleMania XXVII.
Dalek: This is not war this is pest control.
Christ. Please stop. Alas, the smack talk continues.
Cybermen: We have five million Cybermen, how many are you?
Dalek: Four.
Cybermen: You would destroy the Cybermen with four Daleks?
Dalek: We would destroy the Cybermen with one Dalek.
Why don’t you then?
I’ve saved the best for last though. Without doubt what follows is the single worst piece of dialogue ever conceived. It totally pisses over everything that the Daleks are supposed to be and in the delivery of the sort of line you’d expect Arnie to be using in 1986, destroys any sense of menace that they ever had.
Ready?
Dalek: You are superior in only one respect.
Cybermen: What is that?
Dalek: You are better at dying! Raise communications barrier!
How pathetic is that? That’s not the sort of things the Daleks would do. Surely?
Can you imagine a war film with Hitler and Churchill where they use that dialogue? No. Neither can we. Pathetic.
As a special treat here’s a clip – from YouTube – of the entire exchange. Watch it if you feel brave enough.
You were warned…
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The whole re-imagining of Doctor Who is quite pathetic. Gone are the days when you could be sure of tuning in and NOT seeing the Doctor ogle everything in/out of a skirt. One of the givens about Dr. Who is that he would not be canoodling Rose or Sarah Jane. He might be fond of them, in the way that you can be fond of a pet rat, but he would never approach them as a traditional male might do. You knew where you were with Doctor Who. Now, if you’re a doctor babe, you can bet you’ll either be deeply in love with the guy with two hearts or walk off with a version of him. Or treat him like your dim younger brother.
I disliked Tennant’s Who. He seemed to be a dim younger brother on uppers. Speed freak. In between running about frantically (for what?), he was morosely considering his ‘death’. Newsflash – you cannot DIE, Doctor. He is a self-obsessed post-modernist boring pipsqueak in an unimaginative brown outfit.
Let’s hope Matt Smith will be an improvement.
Spot on that lady!
Fancy writing for us?