Bannakaffalatta, Cyborg And Proud!

Featured in the 2007 Christmas special Voyage Of The Damned, Bannakaffalatta is a four foot tall alien from the planet Sto. He looks like this.

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What an astonishing design, huh? No, no it’s not is it.

Aside from the obviously shit design and name, Bannakaffalatta is also responsible for some of the most cringingly obvious dialogue ever witnessed in Doctor Who history.

This squeaky voiced, crimson, conker faced prick, managed, with the help of Russell T Davies’ usual appalling dialogue, to equate cyborg rights to those of gay people.

That’s right Bannakaffalatta was ashamed that he was a cyborg. So ashamed that Astrid Peth (Kylie Minogue in a career defining low) had to sit beside him, as he died, stroking his spiky bonce telling him that there was nothing to be ashamed about.

You see, as it turns out being a cyborg was widely accepted in the universe and that, and get this, cyborgs could even marry now!

Talk about laying it on thick.

The end of Bannakaffalatta came about a few seconds after he first revealed himself to be a cyborg by unleashing a huge blast of energy from his chest. I would ask though, since when has being a bit on the robotic side meant that you can zap fuck off dirty bolts of electricity from your chest?

I suppose Russell would say that’s the beauty of sci-fi, it lets you write badly and get away with it do whatever you want free of constraint. I’d say it was just plain shit.